Today’s Prayer to Passage will be from the book “A Course in Miracles” scribed by Helen Schucman.

The one-month inquiry continues. May we further arise.

Today I pray, “Dear God, Today I sent a text to my childhood crush, the one I kissed in the city’s central park on our very first date this past Friday evening. As I am openly exploring vulnerability and authenticity lately, I openly shared these words with him in our modern day fashion of so-so communication:
‘I am powerful and radiant with love.
I am expansive, not expensive. (Angels whispered this line to me. I did not come up with this one my own.)
I am all about affinity.
I am all for infinity.
I am adored.
I am adored.
I am adored.
I am adored.
I am adored by one man for the rest of my life.
This is fun!’

Sure, a little forward — and a lot not your average ‘What’s up? How’s work going?’ variety, to which we single women are apt to reduce ourselves. From him, it returned a sweet response. I am enjoying this. It is long distance communication at its ultimate serendipity. And the serendipity of this friendship is not of surface value.

He and I met in childhood. Not to say too much so that I would give him away or blow his cover, we were involved in community theatre together in our teens. I developed a crush on him while acting in a play with him in the seventh grade, and I never told him this until nearly two years ago. He was my first childhood crush. His response when I told him, via Facebook messaging, was “I will now walk with an extra pep in my step knowing that you had a crush on me.” Pretty cute, if I really sit and think about it.

Yet here is the fact that I recently discovered that caught my attention: We’ve only sent each other a few brief messages on Facebook over the course of the last seven years. And as I was reading through them recently, I noticed that each time, he had made the effort to ask me if we could get together to catch up. For coffee, for lunch, etc. And each time, we had intended to get together and something stopped it from happening. One time, in May 2015, I told him that I would love to get together for lunch as he had invited me to do so, and I informed him that I was in a newly exclusive relationship, and for reasons of integrity, I wanted to be sure that he was aware of this before we agreed to meet. The new relationship was that with my cherished friend. Remember him, God?? …That’s only a little joke.

It turned out that as we were in the back-and-forth of choosing a day, time, and place to meet, my phone was stolen at work and I had completely forgotten that we were communicating via Facebook. As I only checked Facebook on my phone at the time, by the time I got a new phone and returned to messaging him, nearly one month had passed and there was simply no response. We missed responding to one another on more than a couple of occasions. And now, at this time, years have passed between his first attempt to catch up and the many attempts in between.

Sounds kind of like a destiny story to me, God! And just to be sure we are all on the same page here, I am a big believer in the idea that we have several soul mates in one lifetime. I especially believe that we choose our soul mates before we are born, that we both agree to finding one another during our lifetimes before we even arrive to earth. This is a popular notion in the esoteric Spiritual communities online. It is even evidenced through human channels who bring forth this information from the spirit realm. So to say that ‘losing’ my cherished friend was utterly devastating because I had received signs and symbols that guided me to find and recognize him through my twenties and thirties would be an untruth. The truth is that I loved him honestly. With my whole heart. And when we parted, I knew it was time for the next soul mate to arrive.

But this time is different. I know my former husband was a soul mate. And I know that at least three other men I have been in committed relationships with have been soul mates. I even consider many friends, both male and female, soul mates. I don’t attach the kind of heavy and significant finality one might expect the status to deem. Yet each of my many soul mates are perfect to me, in that we are each learning such leading-edge, wild, and wondrous lessons from one another. The difference being, now I am ready to be married. I wasn’t ready to be married when I actually was married. Now… I am. So this next man who comes in, there will be some significance there for me. Make it good, God. Make it good. (I just winked it You.)

Oh, and what I almost forgot to mention was that on the very first day of the Biggest Audience calling, the very first day, my 33rd Birthday, my childhood crush messaged me on Facebook for the very first time. He wished me a Happy Birthday and asked me if I would be interested in getting together for the clichéd, ever popular, cup of coffee. Seven years later, we are left wondering why we are now separated by distance and ridiculously jumbled commitments to time consuming restraints from having a legitimate romantic relationship with one another. I am rambling, but I do have to mention one other memory I have about Day One of the Biggest Audience calling: Two friends took me out for lunch at a Chinese restaurant that day. And my fortune cookie fortune read: Bring something up from the back burner. I’ve spent years trying to decipher what that fortune was in reference to. A childhood crush, perhaps? Discovering just now that he had messaged me that day, and that I didn’t even pay it any attention?

Leads me to wonder about things, God. Our astrological compatibility chart has no negative aspects, and I have never seen a compatibility chart with no negative aspects! I’m not sayin’… But I’m sorta just sayin’… I will leave it be for now. I’m only curious because these failed attempts to get together and possibly start something is in grand keeping with so many Twin Flame scenarios I have recently heard about. And I don’t even really buy into the whole Twin Flame theory. Or that I would even want to find my Twin Flame, as I hear the whole experience can be quite awful.

Or maybe it could really be a thing, and maybe it could really be quite wonderful. Quite everything we look for when we look for that grand romance. No relationship is perfect, and no one is saying that one is. But what is it about having faith that one can be enchanting and wonderful? The sort of blissful life with a partner that we so often dream about. There is hope. And there is despair. I’m just looking for the life with my partner that is built upon that of the hope. That’s all. Well… that’s all for now. Amen.”

Following my prayer, I held the closed book in my hands and opened it to reveal this passage on page 367:

“The goal of truth requires faith. Faith is implicit in the acceptance of the Holy Spirit’s purpose, and this faith is all-inclusive. Where the goal of truth is set, there faith must be. The Holy Spirit sees the situation as a whole. The goal establishes the fact that everyone involved in it will play his part in its accomplishment. This is inevitable. No one will fail in anything. This seems to ask for faith beyond you, and beyond what you can give. Yet this is so only from the viewpoint of the ego, for the ego believes in “solving” conflict through fragmentation, and does not perceive the situation as a whole. Therefore, it seeks to split off segments of the situation and deal with them separately, for it has faith in separation and not in wholeness.”

Faith is fun. Have you experienced faith in this manner? Faith is our greatest shelter, and this is a resting place. In this resting place there is a sudden disposition of lightheartedness. If the circumstance is one of trauma, the lightheartedness may appear at a more gradual rate, over time, given to the Higher self’s request to self-love. If there is the absence of trauma, yet the human challenges of uncertainty and stress, this lightheartedness is free to arrive on the spot, in an instant, as an immediate transformation to salute the previous circumstance. We may then bow to the previous circumstance and thank it for what it taught us.

Free floating on air. If you have not yet experienced this as a general illustration applied to any and all manners of human existence, I invite you to welcome it in. Faith is fun. It does not always require itself to be deemed to the trophy halls of pious solitude and concealed reflection. Faith is a birthright, mysterious in fertility of wonder and delight at the very though of what’s possible. A guardian mystery of joyful secrets. I’m having fun, already.


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