Today’s Prayer to Passage continues within the ancient scriptures of the “Nag Hamadi”. This month’s spiritual journey within these texts will be taking place between June 1 – June 30, 2017.
Today I pray, “Dear God, Today is day seven of my transformational journey to the Netherlands. I will continue this prayer as the evening arrives. Thank You for this journey. Amen.”
Following my prayer, I held the closed book in my hands and opened it to reveal this passage:
“And he said,
Whoever discovers what these sayings mean
will not taste death.
Seek and do not stop seeking until you find.
When you find, you will be troubled.
When you are troubled,
you will marvel and rule over all.
If your leaders tell you, “Look, the kingdom is in heaven,”
then the birds of heaven will precede you.
If they say to you, “It’s in the sea,”
then the fish will precede you.
But the kingdom is inside you and it is outside you.
When you know yourselves, then you will be known,
and you will understand that you are children of the living father.
But if you do not know yourselves,
then you dwell in poverty and you are poverty.
A person old in days
will not hesitate to ask a little child
seven days old about the place of life,
and the person will live.
For many of the first will be last
and become a single one.
Know what is in front of your face
and what is hidden from you will be disclosed.
There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed.
His students asked him and said to him,
Do you want us to fast?
How should we pray?
Should we give to charity?
What diet should we observe?
Do not lie and do not do what you hate.
All things are disclosed before heaven.
There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed,
nothing covered that will remain undisclosed.”
—NAG HAMADI SCRIPTURES
Last night was the evening of of my journey where I reached the point of no return. I was awaiting this moment. I knew it would arrive eventually. Only I was not aware within the context of velocity that it would be love that would not only guide me home but redefine where home is. Last night was the night I cried. I turned to my “host-heavenly” and broke down in tears and cried out, “I have no desire to go back there. To the United States. The energy is so low-level there. I can’t take it. I pick up on energy so easily due to my practices in meditation. And the energy of the United States is so dense and toxic. I can’t go back there. But I know that I must. I am to return to the United States and speak out about my calling and my writings in the form of a YouTube channel. I am to be a healer. I am needed there, as so few of us, citizens and residents of the United States, recognize this. I recognize that what I have to offer is the energy of healing. And so, I will return and be a healer.”
He and I decided to take a day apart from one another, as the emotional state within which I found myself was something from which I needed to recover myself. Today I awoke and went downstairs for breakfast. I came back upstairs and got ready for the day. I calmly reminded myself that this is how I had always intended this trip to be. A daily routine of breakfast, shower, dressing and primping, and stepping out the door of my hotel into the city of Amsterdam where my journey awaited.
And so, today I created this day. I visited the expansive and ever popular Rijksmuseum for three hours of admiring great art. The museum is enormous. It really did take me approximately three hours to complete my visit there, as there is such a large collection of works… and I enjoyed taking my time. I was moved, touched, and inspired several times. The art calms me and brings a healing quality of its own to the mix of an already intense love feeling-state, which I seem to continuously find myself. What is life without love anyway?
Last night my host-heavenly told me that he hates goodbyes. It was that kind of conversation. It was a feeling-state conversation. It was a grief is upon us conversation. When really, we both knew that all we need to do is recreate this as a mere grief is upon us. Or create an adventure. I move here? He moves to the U.S.? Who knows. It is our choice, as we create our own reality.
Following my time at the Rijksmuseum, I meandered around the De Pijp neighborhood near my hotel. I stopped in to Bazar, a middle eastern themed restaurant with vaulted ceilings and mural paintings throughout. I sat there at a table for one with headphones and
an iPhone for about an hour. Then I ventured down the street to Flamingo, the bar with the highest gathering of patrons on the corner of the cluster of hip restaurants for the locals apart from the tourist scene. I sat at one of the outdoor cafe tables with about six others seated around me at the table. I did not converse with any of them. I was too much in my head. I was looping.
There were people all around me. Dozens and dozens of Amsterdam locals. And I was silent, looping, in my head. And I realized… even in a journeyed fantasy, even in a delight of escape from my daily routines in the U.S., if love is involved… I loop. Who needs that? I should be starting conversations with these locals! That’s were the delight is! That’s where the fun is! That’s where the journey lands itself. Why in the world am I so in my head!?!
I went back to my hotel and turned on the television to listen to the sweet Dutch lullaby of Netherlands evening news broadcasts. I turned out my light, set my alarm for tomorrow, and went to sleep with the intention of awakening again tomorrow for breakfast and a solo venture. This time… I’m getting out of town. I’m venturing out to see some windmills…