Today’s Prayer to Passage will be from the book “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Brontë.
Today I pray, “Dear God, Twenty days ago, I collapsed. I fainted. I have never fainted before. I was unconscious for approximately three minutes. And when I awoke, I awoke to a newly created perspective. I felt a peace wash over me, and a strength for which I had been desperately longing.
I was awakened to the realization that I have been working to balance the energies of everything and everyone around me in recent months. I have lost a notable amount of weight within the past two months, which I align with this heightened sense of working. I have been working to balance not being told ‘I love you‘ by my beloved, not once, since the moment we physically met, exactly 20 months ago tomorrow. I have been working to balance a breakdown of integrity at my work place, within which I have risen above, accomplishing 100% Quality Assurance scores for the past three consecutive months — August, September, and October — amidst the intensity of the breakdown. Thousands of co-workers are no longer employed by the company, due to this integrity breakdown. And this was all more immensely stressful for me than I was willing to discover. My own integrity was called into question by friends, family, and loved ones. These harbored doubts of character were experienced by me as a betrayal from all directions.
Of all of this, I have become exhausted.
I have been working to manifest physical healing, having found a small lump in my right breast four days ago. As I am a healer, and as I have recently had a vivid prophetic dream about a loved one who told me in the dream that he has throat cancer, I have been practicing deep meditation and intercessory prayer, daily, for my beloved friend. In this healing and intercessory prayer practice, I often take on the illnesses of those for whom I pray. And it is no wonder I then found the lump within my own body. It is a healing manifestation. As my prayers heal another, I take on the blockages and illnesses as my own, in a placement within my body representative of my femininity. I offer You gratitude through all of this, God, for my healing feminine intuition.
Yesterday was the day of my breast exam appointment with a physician, to receive a referral to a Radiologist for a mammogram and an ultrasound. My mammogram and ultrasound appointment is scheduled to take place two days from today. I am experiencing feelings of grief and understanding, all constantly balancing one another, as I retain my inner strength and wisdom throughout this entire experience. I am ready to have the lump biopsied from my breast, so that I may focus on the temple that is my entire body and my entire life. This experience is, as my mature female friends are reminding me, a rite of passage into womanhood.
So why do I feel so un-angelic? Throughout all of these experiences, why do I feel so disregarded, ignored, altered from being honored, and absent from being adored? Don’t they see me? Don’t they know what I’ve been through? Won’t they come to me and take my hands and pull me into a warm, loving embrace — chanting a love song of ‘We’re so sorry. We didn’t see. We didn’t know. How can you ever forgive us for this?’
I’ll never give up on receiving this moment, even when I must merely continue forward, giving this moment to myself. Thank You for Your saving Grace. Amen.”
Following my prayer, I held the closed book in my hands and opened it to reveal this passage:
“I cannot express it; but surely you and everybody have a notion that there is or should be an existence of yours beyond you. What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world would have been Heathcliff’s miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like foliage in the woods: time will change it, I’m well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He’s always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.”
The vivid prophetic dream of my beloved friend who informed me in the dream that he has throat cancer was that of my cherished friend. I have been praying daily, hourly, for his healing. All of my intuitions of my cherished friend deliver me to prayer… for his deliverance from pain, hurt, and struggle. I want the very best for him, all ways. No matter his choices. He makes powerful choices that leave him satisfied with those choices. And I am happy for him. He is a part of me. And I, a part of him.